So this sounds a bit weird, but it will make sense soon. I take violin lessons, and I often get told the same things.
I know right, I should probably change that. I am trying. It’s a work in progress though, just like me as a whole.
My teacher told me that he can often tell a lot about a person by the way they play.
Through my current style of playing, he sees a timid, reserved, and tense person who tries very hard not to take up too much space and is hypercritical of herself.
The things he keeps telling me is to play with confidence, to relax my hands and shoulders, and to stop being afraid of being loud when I play.
So many other people have told me I look like a scared little mouse. I am not happy with that. Being an introvert is a personality trait. Being shy, that is not. It’s fear ruling my social interactions.
My husband has said to me on many occasions that I need to stop talking so much about the things that I want to do or complaining so much about what I don’t do but wish I did. I should do it. It’s my own choices that hold me back.
It’s true. My many fears have held me back. I am the queen of excuses and procrastination. Not with all things. But with enough things that I am starting to form many regrets.
I know that I need to make changes.
Over thinking will get you nowhere. So enter in my rebellious brain.
What if becoming confident, less reserved and putting myself out there more is me being fake. Changing me into someone else.
Then one day, the things that my violin teacher had been saying, along with the personal development of Elend Venture and even Vin in the Mistborn series by Brandon Sanderson (loved these books, check it out if you enjoy fantasy), all finally combined into what I’m going to refer to as my light bulb moment.
I can still be me even if I am confident, become a doer, and put myself out there more.
Would I not just be becoming an even better version of me?
Sometimes the urge to write overtakes me and I just need to do it. This is what came out that day:
Life should be lived like a violin, or rather, like you play a violin.
You see, you are the violin. Together you and God draw the bow. Others can also draw the bow or push it around, but:
In order to make a beautiful sound you need to draw the bow confidently and assertively, even when you play quietly.
There is no room for being timid or anxious. Rather it should be sued to channel the music. But the bow must be drawn straight in a relaxed hold.
The violin was designed to resonate loudly. That is what it is. You can play quietly, but even then, the sound will always be heard.
The violin makes no excuses for what it is. It was lovingly designed to be heard, to be enjoyed, to evoke emotion.
When played correctly with feeling and with confidence, it’s so beautiful that it can bring tears to even the hardest of men. Bring joy to the saddest and romance to the emotionally dead.
It can evoke anger, irritation, fear, loneliness and sadness.
It reminds us of all the good in life and helps us through the bad, teaches us, inspires us.
Left alone, it’s simply wood, glue, metal and varnish. But when played, it comes alive.
When played badly due to tension, frustration, nerves or a lack of skill, it scratches, squeaks, whispers, screeches and croaks. The notes come out wrong or not at all.
Will you let God help you draw your bow or will you hide, be timid, or let the world draw the bow for you?
Be bold. Be you. Be confident. It comes with self acceptance. Even if you are quiet, you can still be comfortable and confident in who you are.