I have been so inconsistent with my posts this year. On one hand, I am horrified. I know I need to write more and I want to post regularly. But on the other hand, I also know that I have often needed breaks this year for my mental health.
Not to be a downer, but this year I felt the anxiety really got to me… Just like last year :p I have been a worrier since I was young. As an adult, it just seems to be catching up with me. Let’s face it. Adulting is hard!
The latest in a long string of things I’m worrying about? The big 3 0. Yes, I am going to start my journey into middle aged-ness in just a few month. I’ve been freaking out all year :p
Logically, I know that most of my worries are just that. Worries that probably won’t become a reality or things that I can totally deal with.
But my mind keeps telling me otherwise. I have read up a lot about being present. Just taking things one step at a time. I have become a lot better at not sitting with one foot 5 years into the future where all my dreams, hopes and fears collide into a hopeful but very uncertain future.
But I still go there sometimes. I have also found myself looking back more and more feeling super nostalgic for the fun times with my friends (especially when we just danced around like crazy people), times when my immediate family were still all together and lazy school holidays.
With the exception of the last while, I mostly eat healthily, exercise regularly, and make time to relax.
I still exercise regularly, relax, and eat mostly healthily, but had the misfortune of discovering the chips known as Crackles. The bane of my existence. I WANT them ALL THE TIME! Oh, and the Truth Coffee in the mall started stocking vegan donuts.
I don’t even like donuts!!!! But I find that whenever I go to the mall, I go get one of those fried calorie bombs, covered in delicious Belgian dark chocolate, so light and fluffy… crap. Now I want one.
I’ve known it for a while now, but really the problem is in my mind.
I need to learn to change the way I think. I used to think I was just being realistic. But I have realised that actually, while I really am being realistic a lot of the time, I’m also just super negative and that I am leaning more and more to catastrophic thinking.
Life is hard and uncertain and we all have days where we feel empty, frustrated, angry, sad and hopeless. This is true of people who look like the happiest people in the world, of rich and poor people, people who believe in God or not. Most of us just like to hide it.
But there is so much to be grateful for. Yes, things can go wrong, but they can also go so right. Most of us get a mixed bag of good and bad.
So be thankful for those who love you, those who you love, for the sunshine or if snow is your thing, the snow. The rain. Delicious food, both healthy food or those stupid Crackles and vegan donuts, whatever your poison is… sigh, my literal poison is still wine. But dammit I enjoy it when I indulge 😀
Learn from your mistakes and when bad things happen to you through no fault of your own, learn from other people’s mistakes. The one lesson we can all learn from these situations if nothing else, is that we are stronger than we thought.
Make time to relax, and give yourself a break. The question I’ve often read is, “Would you speak to your friend or family the member you do to yourself?”. If you’re being nasty to yourself, and the answer to the question is yes, well then you need to do some soul searching.
We need to find the right balance. Always speak to yourself kindly. But challenge yourself too. You are capable of so much. Believe in your potential and that of the people around you. We all fail, and that is okay. We just need to get back up again and try again.
We can all make someone’s day better just by being kind. We’ll feel better too. Do more of the things you enjoy and when forced to adult, just do it. Because you can do it and if we really think about it, adulting is also awesome a lot of the time 🙂
P.s. If you do need to speak to someone, please do. There is no shame in admitting you need help. Getting some counselling earlier this year was one of my better decisions.
P.p.s. As much as I meant to be throwing positivity out into the world with this post, I did a loooooot of ranting. So if you read through it all. Thank you ❤